The cast of characters

Hello and welcome to Muggle Theater. Today we want to take time to introduce you to many of the people who make Purgatory possible, so without further ado, here goes...

Southsider-That's me, hell of a nickname, huh? That's the great thing about being the guy who writes the most, I get to make the decesions.

Part-Time Rider-The nicest character of the bunch...well most of the time. Let's just say if you are a conductor, you had better check her ticket... the first time.

High Maintence Bitch (aka HMB)- The name saids it all... Husband abusing, job hating, muggle slamming, and blonde.

Nerd not Mensa (aka Nerd)- Famous for her vast knowledge of everything, and her ability to be drunk off of one Miller Lite.

South Shore Rider- More prominently known as a rider of the 4:30 train, but a welcome member of the commuters none the less. SSR is most famous for being the head of the South Shore Party Posse, and her love of Jack Daniels.

Mr Metrosexual (aka Metro)- Well known for his expensive handbags (only the best Wal-Mart plastic will do) and his love of pink shirts.

mreye-An occasional member of our gang, and a complete non-factor as a contributor here... Well at least he is a Sox fan.

Our Favorite Conductor-The man who is usually the conductor on our train is a nice guy who usually tells us whether we have to move up cars or not. He also is good for an occasional laugh while abusing an unsuspecting muggle.

Beltbuckle guy- A former conductor of ours with a penchant for big belt buckles and "helping" good looking women off of the train.

Others in the cast of 1000's of idiots include...

Sasquatch- a solid 6'8" tall, to go with a good 350+ pounds of non-showering Missing Link. A friendly guy of sorts, he likes to feed the pigeons, and doesn't believe in belts, which can be well evidenced by his ample plumbers crack, usually very visable during said feedings.

Gorditas- This can be sort of a generic term, but mostly it refers to one specific group of fat seat-stealers who like to poach seats from our gang of merry commuters. The leader of this specific band of Gorditas is known as Jabba the Butt, and is infamous for her boisterous laugh, which has many similarities to the much maligned Star Wars character, to go along with many other similar physical characteristics. The Gorditas also refer to the fat, slow women who have to be first off of the train, but then lose their breath going up the stairs to the main streets therefore clogging up the stairwell for the rest of us who have somewhere to be.

Muggles- This is the question I recieve the most... What is a Muggle? Borrowed lovingly from Harry Potter author JK Rowlings, it refers to the non-commuter people who infect our train on a daily basis. Muggles are a routine part of the 4pm train, but especially nasty outbreaks occur at regular intervals throughout the year such as Taste of Chicago, Christmas season, and Spring Break. A muggle can come in any size, sex, shape, or age, with the one common characteristic being that they have no idea what the hell they are doing.

I know there are some that I am missing, if so feel free to comment, and I will see if you deserve your moment in the sun here on Purgatory.