Your rules for the ride

A couple of days ago the Chicago Tribune printed a bunch of reader suggestions for Rules on a Train. Here is the story, and then I want to hear from all of you readers about what you think should be rules for the South Shore commute.

Rules column link

Dawn Turner Trice

Readers write their own `Rules of the Ride'


Published August 28, 2006


Man, you guys are brutal. Last week, I told you about the common-courtesy signs I'd hang on CTA and Metra train walls. I called them my "Rules of the Ride" for commuters lacking basic etiquette. Well, my signs paled compared with yours. In fact, some of yours really cracked me up.

You agreed on several signs, and I've listed those first. But hang tight for the more original ones farther down.

I was amazed by the number of you who sent this one: "No Flossing on the Train."

Then there were others: "If You're Standing and the Train Is Crowded, Please Place Your Overlarge Book Bag on the Floor." "Poles Are for Holding, Not for Leaning on or Dancing." "Standing in the Doorways During Busy Periods Is Strictly Prohibited!" "If Your iPod Leaks Music, Please Lower the Volume." "When Riding the Escalator, Stand on the Right, Walk on the Left." "Please Go Easy on the Perfume or Cologne. Some Riders May Be Allergic." "Please Control Your Little `Angels.'" "Remove Your Feet from the Seats."

Now the more original courtesy signs--some with a bit of a bite:

"If You Decide to Sit on the Train's Upper Deck While Wearing a Skirt or Dress, Make Sure You're Wearing Undergarments."--Roberta W. from Lake Barrington.

"Please Do Not Shave Your Head During the Ride."--Joanne G. from Chicago

"No, Passengers Can't Spare Any Change. Get a Job!"--Derek H. from the Uptown neighborhood.

An addendum: "Please Don't Panhandle Because It Frightens Tourists, Annoys Everyday Commuters and Is Unlawful."--Robert O. from Elmhurst.

"Don't Nod Off if You Can't Remain Seated Upright."--Rachel G. from Chicago.

Nita G., from East Rogers Park in Chicago, suggested several courtesy signs: "Please Do Not Urinate on Trains or in Stations." "Do Not Spit on Trains or in Stations." "Do Not Empty Your Nose on Trains or in Stations."

"Caution: Slow-Moving Humans May Be Trampled as Other Passengers Need to Get to Their Destinations on Time."--Derek H., again, from Uptown.

"No Reading Pornographic Magazines While Commuting!!"--Carl A. from Chicago.

"Please Use Deodorant in General, but Especially When You Know You're Going to Be on a Packed Train in June, July or August."--Shannon M. from Bolingbrook.

"If You Had a Spicy Lunch, Please Be Kind Enough to Take an Antacid Before Boarding. Your Generosity Will Be Greatly Appreciated."--Sharon S., from the Portage Park neighborhood.

"If You've Wet Your Pants, Please Don't Occupy a Seat. In Fact, Go Back Home."--Suzanne R., from the Lincoln Park neighborhood.

"If You Must Listen to Music, Don't Dance, or Shake Your Hips, or Bob Your Head, Especially on a Crowded Train."--Evan M. from the Lakeview neighborhood.

"Refrain from Singing Along with Your iPod, and Keep Your Day Job."--David M., who just moved to Salt Lake City from Oak Park.

David M. adds that he's open-minded when it comes to religion, but he would propose a sign that says: "Please Limit Your Preaching and Testimonials to Your Church or the Sidewalk."

Beyond religion, "No Peddling Perfume, Socks or Even Girl/Boy Scout Cookies."--Evan M. from Lakeview.

"If You Are as Wide as You Are Tall, Don't Block the Aisle, and Move to the Rear of the Train."--Milton S. from the South Loop neighborhood.

"While Standing, Please Do Not Lean Over a Seated Passenger to Look out of the Window, Because No One Wants Your Chest Hair or Breasts in Their Face."--Allison S. from Chicago.

"Please Don't Show Your IQ by Lacing Every Other Sentence with Profanity."--Tom D.

And last: "Quit Your Whining. We All Know the Train Cars Are Too Hot in the Summer and Too Cool in the Winter. If You Want To Travel in Comfort, Drive."--Eric B. from Grayslake.

Happy commuting ...

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dtrice@tribune.com