A South Shore Christmas Carol

Sung to the tune of Winter Wonderland

"Muggles whine, are you listenin?
On the train, people bitchin'.
They steal all our seats,
as we roll along,
sittin on a muggle filled train.

Gone away are the good seats,
here to stay, the Gorditas.
They call out our stops,
the tourists are lost,
sittin on a muggle filled train

On the platform we can smell the homeless,
then they ask us for some money.
We'll say 'are you sober'?
They'll say 'HELL NO,
but I could use the Mad Dog anyway'.

Later on we'll prespire,
as we sit by the Sasquatch.
He's 400 pounds,
he hasn't showered,
sittin on a muggle filled train.

In the four seater sits a family,
all are muggles with their kids and their bags.
The kids have fun screaming with their dolly's,
until the commuters shout them down.

When it snows
its a chillin,
then the power starts a failin.
We'll freeze and complain,
the commuter way,
Riding on a Muggle Filled Train...
Riding on a Muggle Filled Train...
Riding on a Muggle Filled Train..."

The Anger is Strong in this one

By nature, commuters are not a happy bunch. We work long hours with stupid people, and then we get on a train and waste a few more hours with even more stupid people. So it isn't a big surprise that 3 of the 4 of people in the regular group on the 4:01 can have their issues with patience. I have been knowed to be in my share of pissy moods. Nerd, well hell she is practically a lactivist with violent tendancies, and High Maintence Bitch... well just look at her name and that will tell you everything you need to know. The one person who is basically the "people person" of our group is Part-Time Rider, or at least we though so until yesterday.

Yesterday our favorite conductor was gone on vacation, so we got some lame-ass fill in instead. Now for those who aren't familiar with the land of the South Shore train, most everyone's monthly pass has a number that corresponds with their stop where they begin their journey in the morning. Mine is an 8, because I get off in Michigan City. The other important fact to know is that somedays they drop off cars in Gary, because they are no longer needed when the train gets to that point. So a typical question for our conductor is are they dropping cars today. Well the usual question was asked of our poser conductor. While staring right at our tickets, he proceded to ask us where we were getting off of the train. Hmmm I wonder what starting pay is to collect tickets and ask stupid questions on the South Shore? Anyway, after getting our answer the conductor walked up the aisle continuing with his work. As he walked away Part-Time Rider out of no where starts to go off like a postal employee on evaluation day. She was all kinds of upset and wasn't shy about it, asking why the hell they printed those big fancy numbers on the tickets if no one even bothered to look at them? This went on for what seemed like forever. We didn't know how to react, and didn't want to be the next to feel the wrath, so we sat in stoney silence. I guess it just goes to show that it is the silent ones that you really have to fear. I know I will be treading more lightly now...

Mr Crabass, meet Mr Karma

Yesterday I was banished to the vast wasteland that is the 4:30 train. Now I might blog about the nutjobs and comedy I see on the 4:00 train, but to me they are mostly funny. The 4:30 train seems to have an abnormal concentration of victims of supersized enemas, and lucky me got to sit behind one.

A normal day on the 4:00 train consists of us filling in puzzles and talking about mostly nonsense. When I am forced to ride alone or on another train, those puzzles take on more meaning as they are my last bastion of sanity. Yesterday I was minding my own business, plugging away on a seemingly brutal sudoku, when I made the mortal sin of rattling my mechanical pencil too loudly against the window. Mr Crabass that was sitting in front of me didn't take too kindly to that, and risked almost certian whiplash to turn around and give me the staredown. I don't think he took too kindly to me laughing at his reaction either, but that my friends is a horse of a different color. Soon Mr. Crabass gave up his intimidating dirty looks campaign and turned around in a huff. Right before his stop, he decided to make a quick bathroom stop, except he forgot to observe one of my necesary rules for train-riding... Lock the Bathroom door. Within 15 seconds someone of course opens the door revealing Mr. Crabass in all of his wrinkled old glory I would assume. Now after Karma evened the score with Mr. Crabass, I can only wonder... did he give the invader a dirty look, and then did Karma kick his ass again later? Its just too bad I couldn't follow Mr Crabass home to see if he put his car in a ditch or something of the like.