Rebel's without a Clue

I knew the day was going to be a bad one, as soon as the herd paraded out onto the platform. High school kids. Millions of them as far as the eye could see. Only this group wasn't your average high school kids, these were different. I don't know if it was the popcan tab earrings, or the ample purple hairdye that clued me in first, but these kids had a severe case of Rebels Without a Clue. Of course all of them were spoiled little rich white kids from suburbia, and none of them acted or looked like they had ever been out of the house before. Then again after I saw the mom who had a hat that was stolen straight out of a Boy George video in "I love the 80's", I knew that there might be a reason for their wanting to dissassociate themselves from their parents.

Well usually when you see one of these groups nearing, the prudent thing to do is to make a move and try to sit somewhere else. Well with our luck, the train switches at the Randolph station wouldn't work, so the train was 15 minutes late getting to Van Buren. This meant 15 more minutes of fun with our new friends. I don't know if I have ever been so happy as to see the bright flashing lights of the train coming down the track. Let me just say it didn't get better. After that we managed to sit down next to the Plastic Surgeon mentioned in the previous post... Eep somedays, it doesn't pay to be a commuter.

Muggle Ticker-----> 9

Yes that is right, we even topped the two in two days, by running off not one, but two muggles in one day.

The first one totally deserved it. She was some high society East Coast snob, who was on her cellphone the whole time, hitting on such topics as her new BMW that she got on a lease swap, her trials and tribulations as a plastic surgeon, and why Greenich is so much better to live in versus living in Danbury. It took some crude and obnoxious work, but eventually she tired of the crass conversation ringing in the backround of her cellphone calls, and she got up and instead talked while standing in the aisle. We were damned proud of that drive off.

The second one was either really scared of sitting with us, or just a really nice guy, I am not sure which. After we moved up a couple cars to beat the Gary drop off, High Maintence and Nerd jumped into a four seater that was occupied by just one guy, and I took an empty two seater right across from them. We did a little chit-chatting and he asked if we were all together, and after being told that we were, he offered to switch me places.

So I don't know if our reputation precedes us or what, but we are definately moving up on the Muggle Ticker lately. We are as hot as the Chicago White Sox.

Double time on the Muggle ticker

When it rains, it pours... and it has poured on the Muggles lately. In two days, there were two runoffs. Thursday with me no where to be seen, HighMaintence and Nerd managed to preform the feat. Apparently they ran through their usual assortment of talk, but when they got to shoes, that was enough, and the tourist turned tale and ran. Friday, we had one of those guys with the Napolean complex who felt that his badass attitude alone was worth all 4 seats that he was trying to occupy. HM and I jumped into two of them, and so he sprawled sideways trying to maintain his remaining shred of toughness. Then came the 12th Street stop, and Nerd jumped on the train. All she had to do was ask to sit in the open seat, and Mr toughness couldn't handle it anymore. Apparently one seat wasn't enough to contain his level of coolness, and he had to get up and sit somewhere else.

Good enough to move the Muggle Ticker up to 7.

My day as a muggle

Sometimes it happens to the best of us. Yes we are brought down to the very thing we have come to hate so much. For a day, I was [cue drama crying] a MUGGLE!

Last week I went down to Comiskey Park for one of the White Sox playoff games, and instead of getting raped sideways to pay to park, I instead took the Red Line option for $1.75. I was almost the very picture of a tourist. I had my camera, backpack, and couldn't figure out where in the hell to put my farecard. All I really needed were 6 kids and a boatload of American Girl place crap to complete the picture.

Then to complete the circle, one of my dear friends gave me a bunch of babyshower gifts complete with a huge Babies R Us bag. Add that to an overnight bag, backpack, and camera bag, and yes Mr Muggle was in full effect. I got to drag all of that crap onto the 4:30 train, but at least I was smart enough to utilize the overhead racks, instead of pulling the bogus packages=seats crap that most muggles try to get away with.

Now I have to find a therapist to cry on...

Play it forward

There are lots of things that muggles say on a regular basis that crack me up. I love people who ride the train on a busy day, and when they can't find 4 seats together (you know 3 seats for the shoppers and one for their bags) they say to the Conductor

"I shouldn't have to pay full price, because I don't have a seat."

My favorite reply...

"You don't pay for the seat, you pay for the ride."

Yesterday an old man and his wife were wandering mindlessly through the aisles when they were actually lucky enough to find two seats together after Van Buren. The wife started to sit down and was trying to get her husband to join her. Instead of sitting down, he complained...

"I can't sit there, I would be riding backwards, and I can't handle that."

That line kills me. Yes the South Shore is going to go sooooooooooo fast that you are going to get vertigo from riding backwards. Hell be a daredevil and sit in the very front seat. Ooooooh scary. The whole 79 miles per hour top speed can mess you up. Yeah 79 mph, what is that like .00000000001 G forces? Just sit down, and find something else to complain about. Something like not being able to hear your stop, or you shouldn't have to pay because you can't find a seat.

New Feature at Purgatory

As some of the more observant regulars here at Purgatory have noticed, I went a little bit to the insane side yesterday, maybe it was all of those White Sox winners or something, but I have added a message board to the blog.

Now YOU will be able to give your thoughts and feelings on anything you want, that is unless your opinion is crap and I decide to delete it. (j/k) Feel free to post your feelings about the blog, the Gorditas, respond to my stories, or even post your own stories.

All you have to do is look at the top of the page under the new counter, shaped like a train at the two boxes for bravenet. The box on the left is the link to the message board. Click that, and make your voice heard! Enjoy.

In Search Of...

Update time on the search ticker

Well as many of you know by far and away the biggest keyword search that is bringing people to Purgatory is courtesy of my knee-buckling, 1st to the door, 300 pound pillbug shaped friends, the Gorditas. Out of the 565 unique hits here, 10 people have used "Gorditas" in the MSN search to get here. Today we had a brand new search, courtesy of our more alcoholic riders. Today someone found PWP by the keyword search of "drink and drive graphs". Thankfully during our busy schedules of Sudoku and Muggle-bashing, we have time to get drunk somedays, and give you our readers, more opportunities to find your headquarters for tourist bashing commuters in Northwest Indiana.

BOTTOMS UP!

Conducting regular business

One of the central players in the tragic comedy that is the South Shore commute, is of course the conductors. They are the people who take your tickets, and are responsible for the safety and well-being of their passengers. As you settle in as a regular commuter, you might become lucky/unlucky enough to come to know one of these poor unfortunate souls. Our regular 4:01 conductor, we'll call him "Tim" to protect his identity is creeping up on his 57th birthday tomorrow. Now if you aren't familiar with the PWP crew, any excuse to drink is a valid one in our eyes, and we should probably be doing so in the near future to celebrate this day. Well anyways, our Happy Birthday wishes go out to the old man... err conductor.

My objective for the day, since there hasn't been too much audience participation lately (for shame) is have people talk about their favorite and more hated conductors and conductor stories.