The Wailing Wall

So on the ride on yesterday, we got to observe one of the funniest sights that I have seen in my almost 7 years in purgatory.

The usual Taste of Chicago muggles were getting moved forward from the cars that were getting closed off. An older lady and what looked like her granddaughter were coming through the door into our car. Somehow the older lady managed to lodge her finger between the door and a piece of metal that the door slides into when it opens. It amazed me that someone could even do this, but leave it up to the tourists to do the impossibly stupid. Even more incredible was that she could be so brain dead and live into her 60's, but that is a story for another day... Anyway, she started immediately screaming her head off. I mean she was crying for her dear life. So she gets the finger out, and of course sits right next to us, bawling her eyes out. Then the car crash observing side of us took over, and we each spent the rest of the train ride trying to peak over and see how bad the damage was. I was expecting a deformed finger pointing sideways, or a cut gushing blood... you know something to justify the wail of death that she was putting out, not to mention the 3 stops worth of crying she did after that. But it was to no avail. She had what amounted to a papercut. It barely bled at all, not even enough to get a spot on her clothes. What a let down. If you are going to scream like that, at least make it worth while.

All I have to say is thank GOD there are only two more days of Taste, and then I get my train back from the muggles...

Stuffed and Mounted

What a great discription of anything... too bad it was in relation to having their deceased pets done up to be kept after death. How strange can you get? What next, have Grandma stuffed and mounted and kept on the porch for posterities sake?

That whole converstation came out of another letter to an advice columnist who was asked if people who had buried their pets in the backyard, should dig them up and rebury them when they moved. Ewww? What the hell is wrong with people? Do you dig up Grandpa Joe when you move out of town? Then why would you dig up Fluffy or Spot?

Anyways, I thought we might have the muggle-ticker get two more clicks on it, but we couldn't quite get rid of a couple of Taste of Chicago attendees. And from the looks of them about the only exersize they got was the rolling their eyes they did at us. I guess they were disgruntled or something.

Stay out of the water... and of the roads, and the stairs, and the...

One favorite converstation that happens on the train between two of our regulars... I'll call them Nerd and High Maintence (HM for short) is about the dangers that exsist in the oceans. Everything from sharks, spiders, eels, and everything else that goes bite in the seas. Just for kicks, here are the odds of something actually happening.

In 2002, there were a grand total of 47 shark attacks on people in the U.S. Let's compare...shall we? Your odds of being attacked by a shark this year are therefore roughly 1 in 6 million.

Your odds of dying while falling down the stairs? 1 in 200,000. Better stay downstairs.

Your odds of dying of a bee, wasp, or hornet attack? 1 in 5.9 million. Higher than a shark attack. Better stay indoors.

Your odds of dying in a lightning strike? 1 in 4.3 million. Yup, more likely than a shark attack.

Odds of drowning in your bathtub? 1 in 800,000. You're gonna be pretty dirty.

Odds of being killed by a falling object? 1 in 400,000. Better not have any cabinets.

Odds of being killed by an agricultural machine? 1 in 500,000.

Odds of being killed in an automobile accident? 1 in 6,000. That's right, you're 1,000 times more likely to die this year in an automobile accident than you are to be attacked by a shark.

EVERYONE STAY HOME!!!

So during the 3rd day of the Taste of Chicago, aka the worst commutes of the year, a man ended up getting shot and killed.

Man shot/killed at Taste

As a concerned commute I want to offer all muggles this advice. Stay home, do not go to Taste of Chicago. Be safe, your life is precious. Why risk it?

Signed,

Your friendly blogger, who likes his quiet train.

Inspired by the Lactivists???

This is an acutal letter to the Ask Amy advice columnist Amy Dickson of the Chicago Tribune.

Dear Amy: I agree that breast-feeding is a simple fact of life, and I am not offended by it when it is done publicly.

Urination is also a fact of life. Any idea why I got arrested when I did it in public?

-- Carl

Dear Carl: Actually, I think that public breast-feeding does offend you. Otherwise you wouldn't compare it to public urination.

If men could breast-feed their children it would not only be considered a completely acceptable way to provide nutrition for babies, but I'm sure it would probably be an Olympic sport by now. Public places would offer clean places to feed your babies quietly, so you wouldn't have to nurse in a bathroom stall, and people wouldn't be too bothered if they occasionally caught a glimpse of you feeding your baby in public.

It's something to think about.

Also we are proud to report that we are going to start a counter of people who run for their lives after hearing our conversations. So far since starting PWP, the Muggle-Ticker has ran off two people, including one who ran off as soon as he recognized who was sitting next to him. Much like an intentional walk in baseball, he didn't even want to mess with us.

Conversation of the Day

Well most of the gang was together yesterday on the 4:01 and the topics were flying. Yesterday's converstations revolved around two articles that found their way to the newspapers. The first one was about 4 guys who offered a goat for cocaine.

baaaaaaaaaa

And the second was about a man who offered a chicken for sex.

Cock-a-doodle-doo

Damn am I sad the barter system is dead.

Sad day for PWP

One of the original conductors I got to know on a decent basis passed away over the weekend. Jon Miller was a real character, and he also worked with my Grandpa who was an electrician for the South Shore for many years.

My favorite Jon Miller story was one day on the train there was a field trip of younger kids, maybe 10ish years old. One kid kept trying to trip him, until Jon finally stopped, got right up to him and said "Look if you try and trip me again, I will throw you and your mother's asses off the train at the next stop" The kid didn't say a thing or do anything the whole rest of the trip.

RIP Jon

This is his obituaty from the Michigan City News Dispatch

Oct. 22, 1939-June 10, 2005

ROLLING PRAIRIE - Jon N. "Diamond Jon" Miller, 65, Rolling Prairie, died at 9 a.m. Friday (June 10, 2005) at his home.

The funeral is at 7 p.m. Tuesday at Ott/Haverstock Funeral Chapel, with the Rev. William Barnes officiating and Excelsior Masonic Lodge 41 of LaPorte participating. Cremation will follow. Visitation is from 2 p.m. until the service Tuesday at the funeral chapel.

Mr. Miller was born Oct. 22, 1939, in Muncie to Charles Nolan and Nova Mae (Wolfe) Miller, who preceded him in death. On Dec. 23, 1972, in Michigan City, he married Kathleen Miller, who survives.

Also surviving are three sons, Michael J. (Brenda) Miller, Michigan City, David M. (Patsy) Miller, Knoxville, Tenn., and Nolan M. Miller, Rolling Prairie; one daughter, Tonya (Mike) Graden, Rolling Prairie; two granddaughters, Alyssa Jenks and Emily Jenks; three grandsons, Jon Miller, Dustin Miller and Colt Miller; one sister, Carol Zimmerman, Michigan City; two brothers, Larry (Tillie) Miller, Indianapolis, and Roger (Danielle) Taylor, Lebanon, Ind.

Mr. Miller retired after 25 years as an engineer/collector for the South Shore Railroad. He also was a former Michigan City firefighter and U.S. Army veteran. He was a member of Orak Shrine Temple, Scottish Rite of South Bend, Excelsior Masonic Lodge 41 of LaPorte, a lifetime member of the DAV Chapter 23, past president of the United Transportation Union and a former Michigan City precinct committeeman for GOP.

Memorial contributions may be made to a charity of the donor's choice.

Visit www.otthaverstock.com to sign a guestbook and leave condolences

Rules to Commute by

This is a recycle from my personal blog, but an old favorite. These are my rules for muggles who ride the south shore.

First and foremost, one ass=one seat. There is no quicker way to piss off people who have been working all day, than for them to get on the train and see some idiot with 16 Marshall Fields bags spread out over 4 different seats. We work hard all day, in intense enviornments, many people spending all day on their feet. Your bags have no rights to any seats.

Second-No one cares about your conversations, keep your voices down. Many people have an hour plus commute on the south shore, and would like to catch a nap to relax from a hard day at work. This becomes impossible when the whole car can hear about the sales at American Girl Place.

Third-Use cell phones judiciously and respectfully. Close to the same idea as number 2, no one cares about your arguement with your girlfriend, keep it down.

Fourth-Control your kids. The train isn't a playground, don't let your kids run around and do whatever they want. You really don't want us disiplining your kids for you. The train ride can be long, so make sure your kids have something to entertain them.

Fifth-Pay attention. Know when your stop is coming up. If you don't know, ask, someone will tell you. Commuters know the schedule and the stops just as well as the collectors do, and would much rather be asked a question, than to stop and delay the train because you just missed your stop.

Following these five basics can make everyones ride much more enjoyible for all.

Lactivists to Muggles

Welcome to Purgatory with Pantagraphs. I am hoping that this becomes a mecca for the South Shore commuters, much the same way that similar blogs have taken off for commuters with the CTA, the Tube, and in New York City. This will be a comedic look at the worlds last electric interurban commuter train system, through the eyes of the people who suffer through the purgatory of public transportation. Thanks for reading, and I look forward to hopefully providing a few laughs for you all.