T'was the Day of Monday Morning

This is a story about my favorite government employee.



T'was the day of Monday morning, when all through the train
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Muggle.

The seats were half filled by sleepy commuters,
with hopes that their train would be for once on-time.

The tourists we all nestled all snug with their Ipods,
while visions of American Idol danced in their heads.

The collector in his work cap, and I in my hat,
had just got my ticket punched, and was ready to nap.

Then the train stopped and opened its doors,
and on poured more commuters, walking the floors.

Asleep on the window, I slept a deep sleep.
I drooled on my sweatshirt, and dreampt of myself.

As the seats filled with new found butts,
my open seat was targeted by some damned putz.

Then what to my suprised ears did I hear,
but some idiot slam his briefcase without any fear.

When he plopped in the seat all too quick,
I knew in a moment it must be that "Dick"!

Real rancid cough drops the odor came,
but he unwrapped and ate it, all of the same.

Now hateful, and angry, and no longer asleep,
I plotted ways how to kill him, and dump him in creeks.

To the next stop we came, the conductor proclaimed,
as I dreamed about choking and leaving "Dick" maimed.

As the train shuttered, and moved out of the station,
I stopped and considered my legal representation

So towards Chicago we drew,
with a train full of commuters, and that asshole too.

then another voice, I heard on the speaker,
while I thought of choking "Dick" with my sneaker.

As a balled up my fist and was turning around,
into 57th Street we stopped with a bound.

"Dick's" coat was faux fur, his hair a combover,
his clothes all looked like blue light leftovers.

Then he got up and slammed his case off of the rack,
It looked like a bomb case, which he dropped with a whack.

His eyes- how they glossed, his pock marks so hairy,
his glasses coke bottles, his nose large and scary.

His fat little mouth, adorned with a scowl,
the stuble on his chin, as grey as a trowl.

With a foul look, he clenched his dentures,
as he took up his place as the center doors,

I curled up at the window, and attempted tried to relax
all I could think of was murder with an axe.

He was fat and grumpy, an ugly old self,
then I laughed when I saw him, with spite of hisself

A blink of his eyes and the sight of his head
Soon gave to see nothing, but wishing him dead.

He spoke not a word, but stared at the floor,
As a fat Gordita, walked to the door.

And laying his finger in his nose, out the door he walked
He stompted to the stairs, but to no one he talked,
I followed behind, my prey being stalked.

I tripped him tripped on the stairs, and he fell face first
"Don't sit in my seat, or next time it will be worse"[/quote]

Red means STOP!

South Shore train derails; 1 injured

Thousands on way to air show, jazz fest affected

BY BRIAN WILLIAMS
bwilliams@nwitimes.com
219.548.4348

BEVERLY SHORES | A South Shore passenger train derailed early Saturday morning, causing travel tie-ups but no major injuries.

A westbound passenger train that was pulled over onto a siding to let an eastbound freight train pass moved onto the main track without authorization about 5:35 a.m. and stuck the freight train about a mile east of Beverly Shores station.

The front two cars of the six-car passenger train derailed, sending one of the nine passengers to the hospital with minor injuries. Three crew members and another South Shore employee also were on the passenger train at the time of the collision.

The crash left thousands of riders heading to the Gary Air Show and Chicago's Jazz Festival stranded, as all South Shore service was shut down more than 11 hours. No trains ran from Chicago, as all other South Shore equipment was east of the crash site and blocked from service.

Passenger train No. 600 originated in Michigan City and was due into Chicago at 7 a.m.

The injured passenger was taken to St. Anthony Memorial Medical Center in Michigan City. The other passengers were returned to Michigan City.

The freight train, owned by SouthShore Freight Service, had a brake problem earlier in the morning and stopped on the South Shore main track, according to Gerald Hanas, general manager of the Northern Indiana Commuter Transportation District, which operates the South Shore.

The brake problem had been fixed and the train was able to resume its eastward journey, Hanas said.

To allow the two trains to pass at a location where there is only one through-travel track, the Chicago-bound passenger train had entered the siding just east of the Beverly Shores South Shore station.

As the freight train passed the siding, the passenger train entered the main line at a switch and collided with the side of the freight train, about four-fifths of the way along the 65-car train.

The freight train had clearance to proceed; the passenger train had not been cleared to rejoin the main line, Hanas said.

The crews of the two trains will be tested for drugs and alcohol. Results of those tests would be available Tuesday, Hanas said.

It was not known how fast either train was traveling. The trains' event recorders would be examined for details of the incident, Hanas said.

Fire broke out in the lead passenger car's battery box and charred a streak on the outside of the train. The fire was put out quickly within minutes of responders' arrival, said Assistant Chief Andy Himan, Jr., of Beverly Shores Fire Department.

NICTD is conducting the investigation of the crash. The National Transportation Safety Board, which has the option to investigate, has declined to, said NICTD Police Chief Robert Byrd.

Link to story

Extreme commuters? Pfft. Extreme sissies

From yesterdays Chicago Tribune...

I guess they thought we were just chopped liver or something...

Our long commute just gets longer
Chicago-area residents spend more time getting to and from work, and many of them even go to the `extreme': 90 minutes and up each way

By John McCormick, Jeff Long and Darnell Little, Tribune staff reporters
Published August 30, 2006


The alarm rings at Mary Ellen Patterson's McHenry County home, and she's off--skirting the traffic jams at the high school, motoring down Lake-Cook Road, catching the 7:11 a.m. train at Barrington and finishing with a brisk walk to her Loop office, about an hour and a half after she started.

She is what the U.S. Census Bureau calls an "extreme commuter," somebody who spends more than 90 minutes each way getting to and from work--among the fastest-growing segments of workaday travelers.

The number of extreme commuters in McHenry County grew from about 8,600 in 2002 to 10,700 in 2005, according to census data released Tuesday. In Will County, the number of extreme commuters doubled to about 15,000.

The report also shows average commuting times rising in all five collar counties. Holding down the far corners of the metropolitan area, McHenry County and Will County had average commutes long enough to rank them among the top 25 in the nation.

In spite of gas prices exceeding $3 per gallon, the data suggest the region's sprawl in search of bigger and more affordable housing marched on unabated last year.

Despite the 5 a.m. wake-ups, despite all the time she has to think about her commute during her 40-mile treks, Patterson said she has no regrets.

"I like the quiet out here," said Patterson, a relative newcomer to the world of extreme commuting, after she filled her mini-van's tank. "Besides, the price of housing in Chicago is unbelievable. I couldn't afford to live down there."

The national average for a one-way commute is 25.1 minutes, significantly lower than the 34.4 minutes reported in McHenry County and the 34.3 minutes in Will. Both counties saw their times grow by more than two minutes between 2000 and 2005.Demographers say the longer commuting times--self-reported by survey participants--are a reflection of suburban employment growth failing to keep up with population growth.

"The economic base is not sufficient enough in those counties to sustain all of the workers there, so they are going someplace else to work," said Marc Thomas, information services manager for the Northeastern Illinois Planning Commission. "That's showing up in the commute times, as more people move out there to live but still have to work in another area."

Nearly half of McHenry County workers, for example, work in another county, the new census data show, compared with 12.5 percent of those who live in Cook County. Residents of Will County were least likely to stay within their home county, with 57.3 percent saying they work elsewhere.

With limited mass transit available, most suburbanites drive their cars to work. Just 3.9 percent of McHenry County workers report taking mass transportation, compared with 16.7 percent in Cook County and 25.3 percent in Chicago, where trains and buses are more accessible.

In each of the Chicago area's six counties, the most common time to leave for work was between 7 and 7:30 a.m. In some suburban counties, many people leave for work between 6:30 and 7 a.m.

The new data are part of the annual American Community Survey, a program slated to replace the so-called long form that has historically asked the most detailed census questions every 10 years.

The results from the survey previously were only available for cities and counties with at least 250,000 people, but in several releases this summer and fall they are being published for areas with 65,000 people or more.

The new census data come just ahead of a study to be released Thursday by the Los Angeles-based Reason Foundation that shows the Chicago area has the second-most congested roads in the nation, behind the Los Angeles area.

The report, citing data from the Texas Transportation Institute and other state and federal research efforts, says driving times here during peak traffic are 57 percent longer than they are during off-peak times. If trends continue, the report suggests rush-hour drives here could take 88 percent longer than non-peak by 2030.

The report also states that road capacity is not keeping up with population growth and that by 2030 Illinois will need roughly 4,450 new lane-miles of road at a cost of $55 billion in today's dollars.

Chicago remains the Second City when it comes to commuting times for residents of the nation's largest cities, behind only New York. Chicago clocked in with an average of 34.3 minutes, compared with 39.1 minutes for New York. Los Angeles, without its surrounding metropolitan area, came in fifth, after Philadelphia and Newark, N.J.

City or suburbs, there are few signs of relief on the horizon.

Officials say transportation planning in rapidly growing McHenry County is hampered in part by geography. The Fox River cuts a swath down the county's eastern edge and commuters headed toward Chicago have just two main routes in the southeast corner of the county to cross the river.

Meanwhile, the north-south routes that take commuters to the Northwest Tollway grow more congested every year, including Illinois Highway 31, Illinois Highway 47, and Randall Road, a county highway.

"It appears that people are willing to stomach that because of the quality of life in McHenry County," said County Board Chairman Kenneth Koehler.

The congestion comes at a time when state funding for road projects is dwindling, according to Jason Osborn, the county's transportation planning and program coordinator.

"The rest of the suburbs grew at a time when the highway system was heavily funded, so they could expand" Osborn said.

Meanwhile, with about 300,000 residents now in McHenry County, projections for 2030 say that as many as 450,000 people will call the county home. Osborn predicts congestion will get much worse, even with the lane expansions now under way.

Although riding the train can make the commute more productive for some people, others battle it out in their cars.Jeff Shoemaker, 52, pulled into the Algonquin Citgo on Illinois Highway 62 on Monday evening with a Rolling Stones CD blaring in his black Pontiac Solstice and his usual frustration over the commute home to Lake in the Hills from Oak Brook.

It's about 37 miles to his office, and the drive one way can take from an hour to more than 90 minutes, if weather and construction conspire to slow traffic.

"I think about it every day," he said of the commute. "I hate it."

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mccormickj@tribune.com

jjlong@tribune.com

dlittle@tribune.com

Your rules for the ride

A couple of days ago the Chicago Tribune printed a bunch of reader suggestions for Rules on a Train. Here is the story, and then I want to hear from all of you readers about what you think should be rules for the South Shore commute.

Rules column link

Dawn Turner Trice

Readers write their own `Rules of the Ride'


Published August 28, 2006


Man, you guys are brutal. Last week, I told you about the common-courtesy signs I'd hang on CTA and Metra train walls. I called them my "Rules of the Ride" for commuters lacking basic etiquette. Well, my signs paled compared with yours. In fact, some of yours really cracked me up.

You agreed on several signs, and I've listed those first. But hang tight for the more original ones farther down.

I was amazed by the number of you who sent this one: "No Flossing on the Train."

Then there were others: "If You're Standing and the Train Is Crowded, Please Place Your Overlarge Book Bag on the Floor." "Poles Are for Holding, Not for Leaning on or Dancing." "Standing in the Doorways During Busy Periods Is Strictly Prohibited!" "If Your iPod Leaks Music, Please Lower the Volume." "When Riding the Escalator, Stand on the Right, Walk on the Left." "Please Go Easy on the Perfume or Cologne. Some Riders May Be Allergic." "Please Control Your Little `Angels.'" "Remove Your Feet from the Seats."

Now the more original courtesy signs--some with a bit of a bite:

"If You Decide to Sit on the Train's Upper Deck While Wearing a Skirt or Dress, Make Sure You're Wearing Undergarments."--Roberta W. from Lake Barrington.

"Please Do Not Shave Your Head During the Ride."--Joanne G. from Chicago

"No, Passengers Can't Spare Any Change. Get a Job!"--Derek H. from the Uptown neighborhood.

An addendum: "Please Don't Panhandle Because It Frightens Tourists, Annoys Everyday Commuters and Is Unlawful."--Robert O. from Elmhurst.

"Don't Nod Off if You Can't Remain Seated Upright."--Rachel G. from Chicago.

Nita G., from East Rogers Park in Chicago, suggested several courtesy signs: "Please Do Not Urinate on Trains or in Stations." "Do Not Spit on Trains or in Stations." "Do Not Empty Your Nose on Trains or in Stations."

"Caution: Slow-Moving Humans May Be Trampled as Other Passengers Need to Get to Their Destinations on Time."--Derek H., again, from Uptown.

"No Reading Pornographic Magazines While Commuting!!"--Carl A. from Chicago.

"Please Use Deodorant in General, but Especially When You Know You're Going to Be on a Packed Train in June, July or August."--Shannon M. from Bolingbrook.

"If You Had a Spicy Lunch, Please Be Kind Enough to Take an Antacid Before Boarding. Your Generosity Will Be Greatly Appreciated."--Sharon S., from the Portage Park neighborhood.

"If You've Wet Your Pants, Please Don't Occupy a Seat. In Fact, Go Back Home."--Suzanne R., from the Lincoln Park neighborhood.

"If You Must Listen to Music, Don't Dance, or Shake Your Hips, or Bob Your Head, Especially on a Crowded Train."--Evan M. from the Lakeview neighborhood.

"Refrain from Singing Along with Your iPod, and Keep Your Day Job."--David M., who just moved to Salt Lake City from Oak Park.

David M. adds that he's open-minded when it comes to religion, but he would propose a sign that says: "Please Limit Your Preaching and Testimonials to Your Church or the Sidewalk."

Beyond religion, "No Peddling Perfume, Socks or Even Girl/Boy Scout Cookies."--Evan M. from Lakeview.

"If You Are as Wide as You Are Tall, Don't Block the Aisle, and Move to the Rear of the Train."--Milton S. from the South Loop neighborhood.

"While Standing, Please Do Not Lean Over a Seated Passenger to Look out of the Window, Because No One Wants Your Chest Hair or Breasts in Their Face."--Allison S. from Chicago.

"Please Don't Show Your IQ by Lacing Every Other Sentence with Profanity."--Tom D.

And last: "Quit Your Whining. We All Know the Train Cars Are Too Hot in the Summer and Too Cool in the Winter. If You Want To Travel in Comfort, Drive."--Eric B. from Grayslake.

Happy commuting ...

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dtrice@tribune.com

The South Shore in the news

Well at least now we know with record ridership, why our fares have to go up... Its morons who work for "us"...

Link to story

$150 cab ride for bicyclist booted off train

By Virginia Groark
Tribune staff reporter
Published August 29, 2006


A day trip to South Bend ended up costing a Lincoln Park man $150 in cab fare after a South Shore Line crew member told him he would have to get his bicycle off the train.

What startled Alan Forester, 34, was that he had taken the South Shore Line to South Bend earlier in the day Sunday and no one said anything to him about his bike. Even more puzzling, he said he had followed the bicycle policy that he read on the railroad's Web site.

But that argument failed to persuade a crew member aboard the 9:40 p.m. westbound train to Chicago who ordered the train, which had rolled nearly 1,000 feet away from the station, to return to the platform so Forester could get off.

"`You're going to have to take that off,'" Forester said the crew member told him. "I said, `How am I going to get back?' He said, `That's not my problem or that's not my concern. I need to protect the safety of the other people on the train.'"

On Monday, the railroad agency agreed to repay Forester, a Chicago public high school teacher, for the $9 one-way ticket to Chicago and his $150 cab fare.

"Our mistake was at the front end of his trip on permitting him to ride because it wasn't stowed in a bag specifically designed for that and part of his frame was exposed," said John Parsons, a spokesman for the rail line. "Our crew made an error when he first came out in the afternoon, so we are going to reimburse him."

"This should not have happened," he added. "This individual was in South Bend without a means of getting back."

Although Metra last year decided to allow bicycles on non-peak hour trains, the Northern Indiana Commuter Transportation District, which runs the South Shore Line, bans them unless they are disassembled and stowed.

The agency recently reviewed its policy but decided it was too dangerous for people to try to board the steep narrow stairs carrying a bike, Parsons said. Railroad officials also feared bikes on trains could slow down boarding or disembarking.

"There's nowhere to store it in our vehicles without blocking either the aisle or the vestibules," he said.

Bikes are allowed on the line only if taken apart and carried in a container specifically designed for a bicycle. The container must be placed in the overhead luggage racks, Parsons said. The agency will review the wording on its Web site to see whether it needs clarification, he said.

Forester does not have a foldable bike. Instead, he took the wheels off his bike and put them in one green duffel bag and the frame in another before boarding a 2:03 p.m. train from the Van Buren Street station.

But on the return trip, a crew member spotted handlebars protruding from one of the bags.

"He said, `I wish I would have seen that. You're going to have to take that off,'" Forester said the crew member told him.

Forester shook the bag to show it wouldn't fall off the rack while in transit, but that didn't sway the person who ordered the train back to the station, he said.

Parsons couldn't confirm that the train pulled back into the station.

Meanwhile, Forester, who got off the train because he didn't want to get arrested, hailed a cab back to Lincoln Park.

Even after learning he would get his money back Monday, Forester remained skeptical.

"I live in Chicago so I'm a little bit of a pessimist," he said. "So I'll believe it when I see it."

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vgroark@tribune.com

I WAS GORDITA'D

Oh the horrors and woes... It has been over a week, and my body still goes into convulstions just thinking about it.

The day started off like anything other commute home. I stood out on the platform with many of the usual cast of characters, who as usual abused me and hurt my feelings for no good reason at all. The train pulled up and we all boarded orderly and in a double file line, with one line entering to each side of the train. I, as the generous commuter I am, took a seat in the middle five seater and sat all of the way to the inside, as to make sure there was an easily accessible seat for another one of my fellow commuters. On the very outside seat of this same grouping sat the enemy of all things both chocolate and tasty, Kobe the Gordita. Right behind me was the Middle Gordita(MG); fat in her own rights, but no two seat filler. She came to sit down as well, and to my deathly fears, instead of MG sitting next to me, the unimaginable happened, KOBE MOVED OVER NEXT TO ME!!

Oh my god was it horrible. First I had to see the solar-eclipsing ass coming right for me. Then as I avoided being turned into an ultraflat pancake, I realized that there was a fate worse than death... death by listening to Gordita conversation. Mostly I think I survived by praying to the great and merciful god, and swearing to smite all who piss me off.... I mean that I would help all who I have the ability to aid. The most humiliating part of the ordeal was when Kobe got uncomfortable (I mean how hard is it to be comfortable in only one seat, when your ass is the size of a small rest area) and she went to move her leg, then instead ended up doing an atomic fat drop of her excessive thighs onto my poor crushed leg. But then finally god smiled on me, and East Chicago finally blared through the annoucements, and they mustered up the near Jovian gravity to get that cellulite off of the seats and in motion towards the exit doors. Somehow I survived, and the world is a better place for it.

MC News Dispatch version of train window shooting

Commuter train hit by what may be sniper's bullet

By Georgette Senter, The News-Dispatch


A South Shore passenger car parked along the railroad tracks at the Broadway Station in Gary was hit by what may be a sniper's bullet.

According to Northern Indiana Commuter Transportation District Police Chief Robert Byrd, a carman preparing the passenger car for a return trip to Chicago around 9:30 a.m. Monday heard a sound and saw a flash of light.

“As he inspected the car he discovered a hole in a window on the north side of the train,” Byrd said.

The car was parked along the Indiana Toll Road parallel to the highway.

“The car had already been used going into Chicago from the Michigan City South Shore barns,” Byrd said. “At that time, the car had been in perfect condition, no broken windows, or they would not have allowed it to leave Michigan City,” he added.

“It had also made a return trip from Chicago and was removed from the eastbound train to remain at the Gary station,” according to Byrd.

Several trains begin and end daily runs at the Adam Benjamin Metro Center in Gary.

After the damage was discovered, the train was brought to Michigan City where the window was carefully removed and turned over to the FBI Sniper Task Force in Gary for examination.

Byrd said NICTD is cooperating with the investigations into the recent sniper attacks along the Cline Avenue corridor in the Gary-Hammond-East Chicago area.

“We cannot say for sure if this incident was related, but the window is being examined for possible traces of metal from bullets and or gun powder,” Byrd said.

He also said there is a reward of $10,000 for information leading to the capture and arrest of the sniper.

The Muggles of Summer

Ah yes, the end of summer. This means something different to many people. For some it is the Cubs inevitable collapse to crappiness, for others it means the last days to soak up some rays, before the dark and dreary Chicago winter sets in. For me is means a Mugglescopy is about to take place on the South Shore, when all of the Mugglitos go back to school and leave me the hell alone.

Monday was another one of those days, as even when the train pulled into the Van Buren Street station it was already standing room only. I snagged one of the very last seats, and went to open my coke and get comfortable for the long ride home. Of course the pop had become agitated as I walked to the station and fizzed over and spilled out. I quickly moved it away from myself, and over the floor, so as to not get myself wet. The floor received a nice sized puddle, which proceded to move all up and down the aisle as the train sped up and slowed down. At 12th street we picked up Nerd and a bunch more Muggles like usual. Feeling in a generous mood for some strange reason I offered my seat to Nerd, and took up a place standing in the aisle with the gaggle of Muggles who had poutingly assembled in it. One such family of Muggles consisted of three kids, two under ten, and a mother and father. The two youngest kids and the Dad moved in front of me and decided to sit on the floor. Of course the middle kid made herself comforable and sprawled out accross the floor, sticking her hands into my previously placed puddle of coke. Her first question was

"What is so sticky?"

Ah yes, the sweet adhesion of success.

What kind of an idiot lets their kids sit on the floor of a public transit system? My answer would be the kind that deserves to stick their hands into a puddle of an unknown substance on a train.

The fun part was that the Muggle fun wasn't even over yet. I got meet another intreaguing family. It was a grandma and grandpa who had taken their granddaughter into the big city for the day. Straight off of the family farm, they took her into the Muesuem of Science AND Industry. I am sure they did stop by The Farm to compare combines and all. The quote from them that had my attention was the old man saying...

"Damn we are going to have to do this again in another 5 years with the other Granddaughter."

Yup. Mmmhmm. Get R Done!

The Legend of the 4 Seater Troll

Gather round the fire children, and let me regale you with a truely scary story...

The Story of the Troll of the FourSeater.

Now most trolls are reclusive people, who like to hide in dark places away from others, but this troll is different. This troll likes to hide in plain sight on the South Shore train. Also different from most trolls, she likes to be loud, and be noticed, whereas most trolls do not crave interaction, well except for the occasional toll collection. The other distinguishing characteristic making this creature unique is her obvious crossbreeding with a dwarf, which is made known through her 4 and a half foot tall stature. Now don't let her size or receeding hairline fool you, this troll is mean, and not to be crossed. She can be particularly vicious when needing to use the bathroom, and will not hesitate to attack both your ankles and kneecaps if her sightline to the bathroom is obscured or blocked. I warn all of you children, if you find yourself on the 104 train, and somehow if you become aware that you are in the 4th car, for your own safety, and for those who love you, beware of the troll. Do not approach her, do not congregate nearly bathroom facilities as this will only serve to enrage her. Do not stare her in the eyes, as your knees will probably hurt from getting down onto the ground. Be safe.

She's got a ticket to ride, but he don't care

Yeah, so its been forever since there was an update in Purgatory. I guess we have decided to model our posting habits after the South Shore maintenece crew's work schedule and only post when I feel like it...

Anyways, so we are riding the train home the other day, and there was a few of the mainstays crammed into two different four seaters, along with some muggles, who were all but too happy to steal our seats and enjoy our conversations.

Our Favorite Conductor comes along, and as it was the first of the month, he thought that he would put on a show for us and actually do his job. He grabbed the ticket of one of our newer commuter gang (who has not been nicknamed, yet) and proceded to punch her ticket 4 straight times. Well this just impressed the crap out of her, as she bragged to everyone that

"(OFC) punched my ticket four times!"

Of course the conversation went right into the gutter, as Nerd chimed in...

"Damn, its a good month if my husband punches my ticket four times!"

She then turned to me and asked...

"So how about you (Southsider), do you punch your wife's ticket often?"

"Hell yeah, my wife gets her ticket punched regularly, I am still young!"

Nerd replied,

"Just because you make the motion, doesn't mean she is getting her ticket punched!

To which I slammed dunked with...

"It don't matter if the ticket is getting punched, all that matters is that I get to ride on the train!"